


To hit a wall

by satu_cos (turva_auto)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has OCD, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-10 06:29:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turva_auto/pseuds/satu_cos
Summary: Unfinished drabble: Life for Levi is complicated as it is but since he’d gotten Instagram, thanks to Hange’s nagging, it just gotten even worse. He’d never been a social butterfly to begin with but add super famous model Erwin Smith to the mix with his 20k followers who’s lit as fuck and Levi is totally screwed.currently discontinued, possible re-work in the future





	To hit a wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfinished drabble: Life for Levi is complicated as it is but since he’d gotten Instagram, thanks to Hange’s nagging, it just gotten even worse. He’d never been a social butterfly to begin with but add super famous model Erwin Smith to the mix with his 20k followers who’s lit as fuck and Levi is totally screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This drabble hints at severe OCD and PTSD and in the original idea Erwin was supposed to turn into a massive selfish, ignorant and arrogant prick.

Life for Levi is complicated as it is but since he’d gotten on Instagram, thanks to Hange’s nagging, it just gotten even worse.

He is debatting to de-install the app the moment he set up his account, because the vast space of nothing on his profile and the hilarious suggestions of all kind of human crap he should follow, is a summary of his loneliness. There was a reason he wasn’t actively using social media. He simply had no idea what to post, so posting pictures seemed even more personal than randomly typing a paragraph of nonsense on Facebook. 

He’d never been a social butterfly to begin with but add Erwin who’s lit as fuck to it and Levi just about feels totally inadequate and incompetent in comparison to the 20k other followers of this beautiful model, that is smiling at him in the explore tag. 

He was just looking for Lysol and tide pots and other cleaning products and tipps but he found Erwin anyway. 

He followed some crafting youtube channels, he occasionally watches and then there was the picture of this toned blonde Hulk, with these amazing ocean blue eyes staring right at him through the screen of his smartphone.

God fucking damnit, he felt literally blinded. The world stopped spinning, everything became white noise and the solely focus of his existence was that define sixpack, peeking out from the lifted white shirt, arm muscles flexed and shadowed by a sprinkle of golden hair, collarbone exposed by the loose V neck, that adonis was wearing,  blue irises gazing at him through hooded eyes with incredible full lashes fanning out perfectly, making his blood boil hot in his veins.

The feeling was strange and all consuming, like a stranger setting his body on fire and Levi was momentarily shocked back to reality, when his obvious erection pressed painfully against the seam of his sweats. His mouth spewing out his initial thought into the silence of his room unsupervised. It echoed off the walls almost like a prayer. 

“God fucking damn it, let me sit on your dick and call you daddy!”

 

It’s been ages, since he felt even a glimmer of interest towards another human being, ever since the police rescued him from his last huge mistake in humanity 8 years prior. If he wouldn’t feel so embarrassed and ashamed, that he was bordering on having a panic attack, triggered by his own body's betrayal, he might have realised, that his reaction was pretty fucking normal. 

But nothing about Levi was even remotely normal or getting close to any standard society would consider usual behaviour. So it took him about ten painful seconds to go from rock hard and being able to pound nails into a wall, to flaccid in an instant, as if someone would have doused him in a bucket of ice cold water for an ALS awareness challenge. Despite the horror creeping onto his face, he did press the follow button on @danchouErwin before closing the app and dropping his phone, to hide his burning face in the cold folds of his pillow case, with his mind swirling and bending reality over backwards. 

He did come back to his heart still racing in his chest, lungs drawn tight and a hideous lowkey laughter, that he realized belonged to himself. He was 32 years old, it was ridiculous to act like he barely passed the tender age of 13 all of a sudden, when he knew damn well, that nothing good had ever come from admiring someone, he’d never meet before and who had no idea, that he even existed. Also he really shouldn’t be gushing, since no one gave a damn about damaged goods like him. Erwin had some huge ass eyebrows that ate up half his forehead, like someone pinned a tree branch across it for better visibility - which was hilarious considering the rest of him was literally steaming with how sexual he looked on said image.

This was enough to get Levi pacing restlessly with pent up energy and since he had nothing better to do, he snapped a picture of his can of Lysol, uploaded it to his Instagram - because why not might as well start with something most important to him -  before furiously scrubbing down his apartment. Everything felt tainted and filthy with the desire he had just experienced and he needed it gone. 

Cleaning thoroughly, kept him busy for a good 5 hours until the smell of bleach was so prominent in the air, it was all he was breathing in that moment. His agitation had dropped significantly while he was cleaning, so in the end he felt exhausted and realized he hadn’t eaten ever since dinner the night before and contemplating it now, just left him feeling queasy. Instead he neatly put away his supplies and took a shower, scrubbed the stall down all over again after using it and flopped back down on his bed. 

He would be up most of the night anyway so every nap he could get no matter at what time of the day was highly appreciated, but despite his eyes stinging with tears from how tired he was, sleep wouldn’t come. A glance on his blurry alarm clock told him, he’d been lying in bed  staring at the ceiling for at least the past 2 hours, without realising and it had gone past midnight already. 

Levi sighed, knowing the feeling all too well, sometimes time would pass in a blink of an eye and other times hardly 3 minutes had gone by. He left the light off and used his phone to put on some of the audiobooks he had saved, hoping his favourite would put him to sleep, since the voice was the most soothing thing Levi had ever encountered so far. He had listened to it plenty by now, could recite the words one by one if he wanted to, but it usually never failed to calm him down. He eventually must have fallen asleep around 4 a.m. in the morning, sitting up against the headboard, snuggled into 3 blankets, but he couldn’t remember. 

By the time 7 a.m.  rolled around his alarm blared and pulled him back to the living regardless - it was time to go to work.

 

**~~~ and then I couldn’t find a job that suited him ~~~**

 


End file.
